Sometimes I feel like such a failure.
Especially in the significant areas of life- I struggle.
Struggle to be good.
Struggle to be healthy.
Struggle to be selfless.
Struggle to be a good steward.
Struggle to be a good wife.
Struggle to be perfect.
You see, I have a monster that lives within me (a nasty vile creature) that loves to whisper to me that I’m incapable; I don’t do enough and I’m not good enough.
Sometimes the monster stays hidden and I don't appreciate the damage.
Other days I see him clearly, days that I realize the unhealthy desire and see it as the evil monster that it is…. an unobtainable yearning that distorts reality, keeps me defeated, demoralized and imprisoned.
This evil monster of sin that takes shape in the form of perfection.
Sounds innocent right? But, don't be fooled; because perfection as “the state of being complete and correct in EVERY WAY" is unobtainable and unrealistic.
I take comfort that the Apostle Paul struggled with the same monster:
“So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.” ~ Romans 7:14-25
This passage helps me to see the monster clearly and to keep him in check. To remember God's truths and victories in my life.
To have confidences that the monster cannot defeat me.
To recall that even in my imperfection and struggles, God is there and still loves me.
No matter my failures, no matter my sin- God is working with me and will never give up or turn His back on me.
In fact, when we turn to Him in our struggles, He smiles on our reliance for when we are weak He is strong.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”" ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-11
If you too happen to have a monster inside of you, keep him in check by remembering....
our imperfections highlight God's perfection.
Father, thank you that your mercies are new every day and that there is nothing in all of heaven and earth that can separate us from your love. May we cling to your truths and never believe the lies of the monster that dwells within. Help us to overcome unreasonable guilt and shame and to give our weaknesses to you so that you can turn them into strengths.
“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.” ~Philippians 4:13